My job is brainless. I sit and do hand-eye coordination maneuvers with small precision tools until a tooth forms. Which is great because it allows my true genius to flourish (inside my head, for eight whole hours a day).
I was listening to the radio the other day (at work) and they mentioned that the cost of liposuction was like, I don’t know – I actually, technically didn’t hear, but I heard my boss yell out “$2,500 to $3,000 for liposuction!”. And that was all it took. My Einstein busted through the mire of my boredom and went hog-wild. Wild, abandoned, unrestrained inspiration raged from every brain cell in my head for a good five to ten minutes. Fat is big business.
Upon further research (just now), I discovered that a single-area procedure could be anywhere from $2,000 to $8,000 for a single day, and lipo-suctioning more areas over a longer period of time could run as high as $20,000!!!
Now if we could just figure out a way (I KNOW it has to be possible) to transform that product into something that could feed our cars, we could kill two birds with one stone.
Judging by the average “size” of this nation, we could wipe out the entire energy crises, cure our dependency on foreign oil (that fat has GOT to burn down to good old-fashioned oil – bacon does), boost the economy, wipe out obesity, get in shape, improve the world’s opinion of us, and make money in the process. Godd*mn –that’s even more than two birds. That’s a flock of wild geese.
Think of it. Gas guzzling would take on a whole new meaning. There could be lipo/gas stations where you could either trade your fat for miles, or simply sell large portions of yourself and – screw cars – buy a plane ticket to anywhere! (a tropical island – and now you could even wear that itty bitty swimsuit you’ve been dreaming about. And you’d have plenty of spending booty in your pocketbook to spend ..on souvenirs…drinks…and of course! Local Cuisine!!!!).
Which brings up the point… given the possibilities, people – everyone – would probably buy and consume WAY MORE FOOD! Here in Minnesota we all put on at least a good twenty pounds over the winter. A few more tater tot hot dishes a week, couple more pounds of meat and potatoes, double the gravy, hell YES to bacon, and we’d be rolling in the dough by the time spring trickled in. By adding only a few more items to our winter diets a day, we’d have some serious pounds to leverage that spring vacation on. And we wouldn’t even have to sweat the frantic getting-in-shape-before-we-try-to-get-in-that-d*mn-swimsuit trauma. We just roll by the Lipostation on our way to the airport, swimsuits in hand. Yippy-ki-yay Mehico - here I come!! (well.. maybe not Mehico)
Anyways…BTW – no offense to anyone struggling with their weight…Honestly, if there was a way to do it, I’d be the first in line to trade my ass in for a road trip. It might not get me to the In-n-Out burger I’ve been dreaming of (for three years now, going on four) but it could get me a day or two off.
D*mn this has been a long winter. And I’ve had WAY too much time to think.
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