First thing I would like to say in this post is to all the go green assholes that protest when someone decides to mine something or chain themselves to trees to stop loggers what I have to say is this FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK You! I.m going to have to prove this to most of you and guess what the ol’Warcorpse will do just that.

Recycling with the exception of cans recycling is more costly and guess what coughs up more industriale smoke and pollutants in the air than does just land filling it and starting fresh. Like I said the exception is cans where it’s actually cheaper to recycle aluminum than it is to make new. But the fact that it’s metal gives it a great advantage over it’s paper and plastic counterparts.

On to paper. Does anyone here know how paper is recycled. Well I’ll tell you first after it’s picked up at your house by a second large truck separate from the garbage truck it’s taking to a processing facility sometimes hundreds of miles away. Where it’s boiled and bleached to get the ink off and make pulp. Now the ink runs off and forms this sort of putrid black goo and who the hell knows what to do with that. The pulp is shipped again to paper making facility another big trip on a big truck. where its made into new paper and shipped to your store on yet another big truck.

Doesn’t it just seem easier to turn trees into paper. Now your going to say that well we have to conserve our beloved trees. TREES ARE PLANTS!!! All of the new virgin pulp coming from trees are and were grown on TREE FARMS!!! Trees are a renewable resource we plant the seed we grow a tree. So recycled paper 4 trips on trucks and 2 processing and manufacturing plants New paper from trees 2 trips on trucks 1 manufacturing plants.

Land filling Do you know how large a landfill would need to be to handle the entire US population for the next 1000 years? That’s right from now until November 16 3009? 35miles by 35 miles that’s it. Now it sounds like a lot but it’s a tiny dot when you look at the whole United States. Plus land filling is really a clean processes I don’t have time in this post to tell you the whole process but it’s not just putting garbage in big piles. Now the green people’s last argument is well land filling creates methane gas. Well yes it does but the landfills use that gas to power at times upwards of sixty thousand homes.

So the landfills are doing more to help the environment than any of recycling plants out there. Now before I go I’d like to say one last thing. In a earlier post on here I said that recycling paper was in fact cheaper than making new paper. Well I was wrong and didn’t do any research except what I found at the surface. I guess my point is believe almost nothing your told and for god’s sake make sure you do your research before you come to a conclusion.

Warcorpse

A “winter lawn” they call it; that means it looks lush and green in the winter.  In the summer, my lawn looks like a desert.  It doesn’t grow, so there’s no mowing to be done, but even watering the requisite 2x a week doesn’t help.  Might as well not water at all because it is brown, spotty with dirt patches where the weeds died away, and overall it looks like crap. 

The Orange County Water Department has decreed that residents can only water 2 x a week and there can be no overspray onto sidewalks, and all hoses must have a control nozzle.  I’ve spent $30 in sprinkler caps and control nozzles but this still won’t help our grass grow.  I give up.

About a year ago, I fell in love with the idea that rocks– huge, landscaping rocks and round, river-bed style rocks– would save our lawn by redecorating it.  So a couple of months ago, I took on the project.  I think I am a genius; my husband is skeptical.  I had a few mishaps attempting to get five 300 lb rocks delivered to our house by local gardeners, but in the end it got done.  I even moved the rocks into pre-dug holes with a shovel.  Have you ever moved a 300 lb rock with only a shovel?  I hadn’t before, but it feels awesome to have done it myself. 

 So, let it be said that I am creating — single-handedly– a dry river bed from our driveway upward toward the front of the house with salvaged rocks (thanks to my brother and sister-in-law, Craigslist, and public land sources) and drought tolerant plants.  What used to be a dry, ugly front lawn space is turning into a summer dry-rock bed I am proud of.  And, had I hired a landscaper to do this for me, I could be spending a thousand dollars by the time our lawn is finished!

Next step: looking for a bridge to go over the rock bed.

Everywhere you look jobs and pay go down and prices go up, and do you want to know the cause for some of it. Well hell most of it these stupid go green environmental assholes.

I mean you go to the store and you get almost crucified if you don’t use paper or those stupid cloth bags. I like the plastic bags for two reasons 1 I can grab more bags at once so I have less trips to the car. 2 When I take my dog for a walk they make a great tool for safely picking up shit. Oh I’m sorry in order to save the world we have to live in a world of shit filled parks. Then on top of that do you know why most stores go with plastic bags. You probably guessed it it’s cheaper! Now if we did away with plastic like the tree huggers would like then everything in the store goes up. The tree huggers and the people blindly following them would say “It’s a small price to pay for saving the earth”. Well that’s nice except when a can of soup goes from 79 cents to 3 dollars (yes that’s what it would be if only paper was available) then all you morons would cry corporate greed! And with everyone out of a job which do you think people care about cheap food that they need to survive or the planet

Here’s another go green thing that people should be shot for. In elementary schools in my area at least “a effort to be more environmentally conscious plastic water bottle are not allowed students may bring a reusable container for water“ What ever slow brained idiot thought that this was a good idea should be repeatedly slapped across the face with the working end of a power sander. Let’s examine the problems with this thought. 1 elementary kids are between 5 and 11 there is no way in hell they’ll remember to properly wash the bottles at least once a week. 2 most kids that are very young don’t think twice about drinking water that’s a day or two old if your lucky the water will just be stale 3 Now even if the kid rinses the bottle everyday and gets fresh water everyday bacteria can still grow because it’s stored in a warm dark space (the locker) now maybe we’ll get lucky and the kids won’t get Nagilieria but you will see kids get sick more often. Or do you really think that the schools have anything better than tap water.? Now I ask you parents which would you prefer your son or daughter sick or keep them healthy by giving them the evil plastic bottle that contains clean safe sterile water.

Now to all of you people that think that plastic is what’s going to destroy life as we know it I have a question. Plastic has not been around for that long. Less that a century as a matter of fact. Now your going to tell me that we’ve done in less than a 100 years what the universe couldn’t get done in the last 6 billion years. We’ve created something that’s more destructive to the planet than all the asteroid hits, comet strikes, worldwide fires, floods and all the other bad shit that’s happened to the earth over the years? Is that what you’re asking me to accept! Isn’t it possible that you’re creating a storm in a teacup?

Warcorpse

Yesterday, our water bill was accompanied by a lovely color brochure on water conservation in the Land of Gracious Living.  Apparently now is the time to conserve or there will be fines to pay!  Oh, no, Mr. Bill!

There is now an ordinance in Yorba Linda (Orange County) to not run sprinklers between 9-6 or more than 3 days per week, wash cars with the hose running, or have excessive water runoff on sidewalks or gutters.  The local government now has a right to tell us when and how to use outdoor water; something that should have been monitored more closely for the past several years.  Now people are screaming, “Next thing they’ll tell us when to take a shower and how many times a day we can flush the toilet!”  I’m not screaming, I’m laughing.

If people monitor their own water usage, there would be no need to bring city ordinances into this, but this is what it’s come to and it doesn’t surprise me, or bother me, one bit.  Given our family’s water usage and methods of household conservation, I don’t feel suppressed at all. 

Orange county citizens: ARE YOU OFFENDED BY THIS ORDINANCE?  What are you going to do about it?

I was going to flame off about the ridiculous Hauser (cancer kid) chase but it’s too infuriating. Honestly, if I had cancer, or if my children did, I’d be heading to Mexico as well - there’s a Cancer Treatment Center down there and I’d give that a shot before I blasted myself (or my kids) with chemo. Chemo kills everything. If you’re lucky, you’ll survive. People die from chemo on a regular basis.

Oops wait a minute. I wasn’t going to flame off. So I’m so sick of news, and people and stupidity and fucking everything human (almost) because we’re so pathetically fucked up. We’re hopelessly ignornat - that’s all there is to it. Damn there I go again.

So, for a change ( a real change - not Obama’s BS) I went on a hike to my MOST favorite place in the world, with my daughters and check it out. We missed this little guy the first time past, but the second time I just happened to look down and what an incredible suprise! I’ve seen a lot of really cool shit hiking, experienced some amazing things camping, but I’ve never seen such a pretty little thing as this. (hope this uploads ok; if not I’ll put it on my website)

Yes, my friends there IS religion out there! The Trees are Deities with Names. The Snail Darters and the Spotted Owl  are Saints. The faith is Global Warming and Save the Rain Forests. Yes My Brothers and Sisters, there is religion out there!

The Great Priests of this religion are the scientists that sign their name to the global warming doctrine. Do not mind the fact that the majority of climatoligists say that these fluctuations in climate are do to naturally occurring phenomenons and cyclical changes in the activity of the sun… etc. NO! do not listen to the blasphemers!

Do not listen to the fact that the earth has cooled since 2001, the cooling is only proof that the earth becoming warmer. What? This is not logical? Forget the logic! You must have FAITH my brethren!

Man is destroying the climate with greenhouse gasses. This we know. We know this because Humans have increased the the greenhouse gas levels by a whopping .009%! Where did this information come from? Well from the Bishop Al Gore of course.

There is religion out there. I jut hope I do not fart. Thus creating more greenhouse gases and probably going to Green Hell (where I am talked to by Barbra Streisand, and Michael Moore tries to slip me the tongue).

Our family of four has reduced our trash output to ONE single bag… for the entire week!  Some trash cans along our street are bursting at the rim with bags of trash and I often wonder how full their recycling bin is.  I don’t intend to look; I’m just curious. 

We are accomplishing this trash reduction in a couple of ways: 1. we compost food scraps and yard waste in trash barrels outside our kitchen door.  This turns into terrific dirt mulch and fill for our garden and trees. 2. We recycle everything possible.  We put our recyclables into a basket on top of the fridge, which we empty into the recycling bin every couple of days. Our recycle bin is always 3 times more full than the trash bin, although this week’s record one bag of trash suprises even me!  3. We don’t buy products with a lot of packaging and even reuse some packaging material, depending on what it is.  

How many bags of trash does your family produce?

Ok; that is THE LIMIT. A tree growing in a man’s lung?!!! NoWAY! I’m like, sitting here (for 15 minutes now) trying to digest this. (Ugh – and the picture).

Anyways, I’m referring to the news brief (above on the news feed) about the Russian guy who had a tree growing in his lung. Now, first off; a question. Was *said* tree rooted. (typed amidst howling cackles.).

Did anyone actually see a root in that lung? I NEED TO KNOW THIS. :-DDDDD (I really really do). I saw the bit of pine needle twig looking thingy, but I couldn’t make out a root per se. (By the way, did you see the fly on that shot? It was trying to fly through the screen and get at the tree! (or maybe the lung). Or was it actually in the computer image? Ew.

Anyways, all I have to say is somewhere in this world (I guess Russia) there is a tree on a mission. A mission to tell the world that if we don’t stop f**king up the rainforest, someone’s lungs are going to have hell to pay. What better way to deliver that message than directly to the lung? (I’m sorry; I’m laughing again). Life is too weird.

On the note of trees; here’s a little tidbit. A few years ago I took a course on how to build a house out of mud and during the course (which was offered in the Coquille rain forest of Oregon (link to these cool people: http://www.innerexplorations.com/simpletext/acob.htm ) we took a hike up into a forest that had been leveled by loggers. Out of this entire hillside of cedars, the loggers had left one HUGE old cedar. All of us (15+) people did the old hold-hands-and-see-how-big-the-tree-is-dealio and we could barely fit all the way around. It was a massive tree. But even though the loggers had left it be, to live out it grand life in peace (alone, without all it’s friends and family and children and children’s children), it had died anyways.

Now what Lanto (the guy leading the course) said was that cedars have a very finely tuned underground network and they need each other to survive (I don’t know if it’s a root connection need dealie, or an emotional trees-have-feelings-too kind of dealie, but as soon as the hill was clear cut, the massive old cedar, which had been left unscathed, died. Pretty sad, but also pretty revealing just how important those little life connections are to all of our survival.

And although you can recycle paper, you can’t get an old growth back…at least not in this lifetime…or the next…or the next… And those trees are pretty d*mn incredible. A shame to see them all go.

You know I was going to pick up my niece lunch at McDonald’s the other day and saw something that almost made me laugh. The two employees at the drive-thru were both wear a button at said
“One napkin per bag” under that it said “Helping make it a greener place”. I just had to think that Boy that will help. Limiting the number of napkins that people can take. Even though my drink came in a plastic cup I thought according to you green pains in the ass that plastic was a bigger deal.

Well Warcorpse is here to dispel another set of “Green” myths. Now everyone knows that paper comes from trees, however some  people see trees as a finite resource. It’s NOT! It’s very RENEWABLE! You plant a seed into the ground or you burn a pine cone in the ground and a little tree pops up from the dirt. Then in the cases of some pine trees trees maybe available for harvest after just a few years. Do you happen to know who plants more trees then anyone? LOGGING COMPANIES!

Now for the people that view things like the phone book, newspaper and any other disposable product made of paper as the great detriment to the environment I have some news for you. The phone book and the newspaper are all RECYCLED paper! check it next time. Remember the paper costs what 50 cents a quarter and the phone book is free and delivered to your door every year. They’ve got to cut costs and the biggest one is paper right. Recycled paper is cheaper than new paper plus there’s the government tax credit.

It’s the same with napkins and paper plates. Check the goddamn package! Do you really think that they could sell two-hundred of them for 3 dollars using new paper. The only places that really use new paper is offices and people like me (writers). The reason is that editors do NOT like recycled paper it looks duller than new and it makes the manuscript harder to read. Almost all the guidelines that I read to send a story in are printed one side of the page, double spaced and on non-recycled paper. A lot of the short story markets have gone to e-subs which I like better, saves on postage and on time. All the others are still hard copy subs of disposable manuscripts.

While were wasting all this paper we can still sleep at night becuase we know that paper is made from all the parts of trees that aren’t suitable of building anything and that trees like all plants are a renewable resource. So bringing me back to my orginal question how will conserving a recyceld napkin help at all. Further proving that  this go-green fad is for the most part a crock of shit. 

One last thing If you truly want to recycle your newspapers and phone books then go to your local hardware store and get either a heavy metal wash tub or a fire barrel and burn them and spread the ashes over your garden to enrich the soil. Well there’s my go-green tip

Warcorpse

I had to start thinking about my relationship with the newspaper lately.  I love to read during breakfast, but I don’t like the way it leaves pieces of itself around the kitchen table.  Also, most of my favorite writers from the paper are writing online or laid off.  I’m just not getting from the paper what I used to get: 4 pages of Business instead of 10.  It’s always telling me something negative.  It can’t seem to look on the bright side!  My paper was draining my energy and I just had to let it go.  We’re breaking up.

My husband started the trend by not doing the crossword puzzle in favor of reading a fiction book he had started reading.  So I looked at the paper and looked at the stack of Buddhadharmas on my desk that I haven’t read yet.  They called to me from across the room, “Kristen! You think you have no time to catch up on subscriptions, but there you are reading the daily paper.  Now, can’t you read that on CNN or MSNBC?  Don’t you listen to Pacifica Radio?” 

I had to admit that I could try to put aside my newspaper relationship in favor of reading a magazine I was gifted from a family member. And the days I don’t feel like reading, I take out my journal and write a little.  I feel like I am nurturing a relationship with my writer-self that has needed to come out and play!  I miss the paper sometimes, but I don’t miss the ink on the kitchen table nor the recycling basket overflow in our kitchen.  Most of all, I’m developing a relationship with my journal and my inner spirit self, and that’s way more important than a relationship of habit: what me and my newspaper had become.