When I became a teenager I began to realize that grownups were seriously messed up in the head. I’m not trying to grab attention – not going for the controversial, sensationalistic, attention-getting angle. It’s a fact. There are a lot of seriously fucked up, out-of-touch grownups. I’m a grownup now, and I still think the same thing. And I want to know what the hell is the matter with them. I really, really do because I meet so many kids (teenagers) – friends of my own teenagers, and it breaks my heart because they are in a lot of unnecessary pain. And I suspect that it’s their parents’ fault.

Is that offensive, childish, naïve for me to place that blame? Maybe it is. But that’s my stance. I’ve been a fucked up kid as well as a fucked up grown up. I’ve dragged my ass out of the mud, so to speak, and I did it because I had to. One day I woke up and realized that if I didn’t change things, no one else would. Whether or not I knew what I was doing when I got pregnant, I was the one who brought those babies into this world. They are my responsibility. If things are fucked up between us; it’s my fault: I need to change.

It’s always the parents fault. Period. You start with a baby. A clean slate. And by the time they’re a teenager, you suddenly can’t relate to them? Why the fuck not? Because you woke up one day and suddenly realized that you don’t know them? You’ve had their whole childhood to prepare them, and yourselves for the so-called nightmare of teenagerhood , and suddenly there’s a wall between you and you can’t penetrate it?

You ask, “What happened to my sweet little Mary…or Bobby? They used to be such a good little kid.”

I ask, “What happened to you?” When did you lose your memory of the hell of growing up? The confusion? The pain? Did you just walk through a door, enter adulthood, and forget?” I have one of the worst memories of anyone I know and I simply can’t believe that’s possible.

What door did you fail to open…or keep open, while your sweet little babies were growing up? When exactly did you realize that maybe it was time a long time ago to start paving the way for weird, uncomfortable conversations like sex and drugs? And how exactly did you expect those conversations to go?

“Gee mom and dad, I don’t really want to make you feel uncomfortable, so I’m going to forego sex and drugs until I’m off at college…then I can experiment and make mistakes on my own, where I won’t have to disturb your perfect world with my hell and confusion.”

Is that what you were hoping for, mom and dad?

How many kids don’t survive their teenage years because their parents have their heads up their asses? How many kids suffer undue alienation, fear, confusion, depression, anger, and just plain Hell because their parents will chose any “out” they can find, over a heart-to-heart talk with their kids about what’s really going on in their worlds: what their fears are, what they’re dealing with in school, at home (yes, they’re dealing with shit right under your own roof that you don’t know about, or refuse to see. It might even be you). What they’re feeling – about life, their future, their present…in general. What they know, don’t know, or want to know about sex and drugs and anything else that may or may not exist. What they need to know about you, your own mistakes.

I made it through those years, in spite of all the fucked up, clueless grownups that kept trying to design my world by force, rather than simply listening, or being there to guide me back to the page when my design went a little off the mark, or doing their best to support me when I chose to stay off the page altogether. Fact: There’s going to come a point when you can’t force a kid to do anything. They’re going to do what they want. They might tell you what you want to hear; but you can rest assured they are doing precisely whatever the hell they want once they’re out that front door (or back door, or window). The best thing you can do is build up enough trust before that point comes, so that they come to you when things get really bad.

Maybe things won’t ever get really bad. But maybe they will. You have to consider that. With the kind of shit that’s out there now, I personally am not taking any chances. I want my kids to trust me enough to call me when they fuck up, or when they hurt. Not some psycho asshole from hell.

If they’re doing stuff that could harm them, they need to trust me enough to talk about it so they can hopefully make choices that will open doors to happiness and health. If they trust me enough to talk to me before they “try something new” then I am a successful parent. We can talk about it – what it is, where it could lead. That doesn’t mean I’m going to be able to convince them not to try it if it’s harmful or dangerous, but just the fact that they engage me in this process is evidence that they are thinking about things, and willing to open up about stuff – whether it’s scary, bad, unacceptable, or illegal stuff. Sex, drugs, whatever. I want them to trust me. That trust could save their life. It could make their teenage years a little less hellacious. It could create a lot of happiness now, and be the foundation of a lot more happiness in the future for all of us.

But they’ll never trust me if I judge them. They won’t trust me if I act like the typical ignoramus grownup who is always “right”. No way in hell. And if they even think I’m going to try to convince them not to try shit, they won’t even bother talking. It’s all very tricky – the business of gaining trust and keeping it.

I don’t think it’s a kid’s job to prove to their parents that they are trustworthy. I think it’s the parent’s job to earn their kid’s trust. If they do this, their kids will open up to them when it really counts. Honesty will happen. Mutual trust will be the result. Kids need to believe their parents will be there for their pain, suffering, hell, fuck-ups and confusion. Whether you agree with me or not, the truth is, building trust is the only thing you actually can control, as a parent and you control it by how you talk to your kids. And more importantly, by how you listen. You control it, by controlling yourself.

There. That’s my rant. I want parents to get a fucking clue. If you grew up in a perfect world and just don’t know any better, then at least consider that what your kids are up against today is a whole hell of a lot different than anything you ever knew or had to deal with, and you just might have to broaden your mind to some unpleasant realities.

Put away your fear, put away your god damn expectations and just listen. Let your kid tell you about their world. Affirm what they say by reassuring them that you love them and accept them, and you are always going to be there for them no matter what they do, or how big of a mistake they get themselves into. If you don’t know the answer, tell them you don’t have a clue, but you’re willing to help them figure it out. Learn together. Tell them you respect them for the courage it takes for them to get through a day of school. When they make good choices, friggin’ celebrate. Let them know you’re proud of them. When they screw up, love them more. That’s when they really need it. And so do you.

If you made it through all this, thank you for reading!

From the horror stories we hear, or in reality have to face, cancer is a four letter word. It is emotionally damaging to the diagnosed, and to their loved ones.  It is a killer and everything about the disease is only an understatement.  The most terrifying aspect of the epidemic is that it can not be prevented.  Smoking may speed up processes like brain tumors, or melenoma, but if you are prone to not being able to fight off the ailment, odds are you will get it. (With the exception of smokers and throat cancer)

Unless you are fleeing to Canada for free MRI’s and CAT scans, the average American can not afford a full body cavity search.  If you could stop your mother from contracting breast cancer, you would.  If you could forsee your younger brothers lymphoma, you would prohibit it. Likewise with grandpas prostate cancer. (see http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/alphalist for an A-Z list of cancers)  Life is a crapshoot when it comes to thinking about what way and when are we gonna go out. (Please be like Elvis on the can)

What is more disturbing, is that there is another epidemic that is completely contradictory to the means of contraction regarding cancer, and it’s AIDS.  HIV left behind 15 million orphans last year.  Many of the victims are born into the disease.  AIDS is predominantly spread by unprotected sex, and desperate drug users.  Ok, that is well known information.  They preach safe sex all the time, or if you turn on Disney, the Jonas brothers say abstinence is the way to go.  I can’t wait to see whose gay, or the first to father a child under 20 years old in that band. But I digress.

AIDS is a disease we continue to bring upon ourselves.  Lusting, and shamelessly being foolish with our sexual endeavors.  Whether it is the man whore, the slut, or the unsuspecting one night stand, we are all at risk. Particularly in densely populated cities, where it is impossible to fathom your partners sexual history.  The death casts nothing but a painful, dreadful shadow on those inflicted.  Torturous, and relentless in its conquest of crumbling the bodies immune system until the body caves in on itself.  In Africa that’s considered a Tuesday.

Wake up America, come on, seriously, and insert another whiny sounding colloquialism here. Put on your cock balloons, plug in your diaphragms, or go to rehab if you’ve ever thought about sticking a needle in your arm.  I hope those lovely images make you think twice before trying to bang some one off craigslist.

(glance at the all the categories that this topic can relate to)

While organizing the stash of academic papers that are in my room, I came across with a speech that I wrote 2 years ago. And I can’t believe that it’s been 2 years since I graduated from high school. I decided to post it here, for the sake of having a soft copy. Using my present standards, I realized that this speech is not as perfect as I thought it was after I wrote and delivered it. But I will reproduce this speech as is 2 years ago.

To our beloved administrators, Mr. and Mrs. Rolando V. Calingo; to our dear High School Principal, Mrs. Lolita A. Gaspar; to the Asst. Schools Division Superintendent, Dra. Florentina Lizano; to the respectable teachers; to the graduates; ladies and gentlemen; good evening.

It was already a decade ago since I first stepped into the portals of our Alma Mater but it seemed like only yesterday when me and my classmates met once again, greeted our teachers and discovered new faces. And now, we are all here gathered because of one reason: to savor the rewards of all of our hardwork. This night, as another milestone of our lives unfolds, I am here standing in front of you. A student. An epitome of the sacrifices of my fellow graduates and a symbol of joy for the people behind every student.

Graduates, we have been through many challenges. The carrying of voluminous books to and from the school, the endless homeworks, the exhausting projects and the people who did and did not help us molded our experiences here in our Alma Mater. These experiences tell us that our journey through life is not devoid of threats, disputes and victories. Indeed, we have come a long way and we are again one step closer in making our dreams a reality. How lucky we are that we have our parents, teachers and friends who helped us in our struggles. But this is not simply luck. This is destiny. It is our destiny that we have people who will accompany us. It is our destiny to excel, to prosper and to succeed.

Alexis Carrell said that “To progress, a man must remake himself and he cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both marble and the sculptor and in order to uncover his true visage he must shatter his own substance with the heavy blows of his hammer.” True enough. Even at my young age, I have been through many sufferings and I know dear graduates that you also have yours. Even Jesus Christ Himself died in the cross for our sins. But we must not fret, for no one cam fully understand the happiness that we can achieve through those sufferings. Facing it may be very difficult, sometimes, it makes the future vague and bleak but still, my belief in our capacity to beat the odds has always been there.

I do not know how many times I thought of giving up. That I have to do and be like this and that, and then nothing more? When I was younger, I looked at adults and wondered if I would be as eloquent and knowledgeable as they were. Now, I say to myself that it is not as difficult as it seemed. Then I suddenly realized that life has more to offer.

And this speech will never be complete without expressing my love and gratitude to the people who have been with me since day one. To the administrators, thank you for establishing the school’s secondary level, if it is not because of you, I will never be able to discover my talents and hone my abilities. To Mrs. Gaspar our high school principal, thank you for your support and believing in my leadership. To our teachers, to Mr. Pading our Math teacher, to Mr. Jordan our MAPEH teacher, to Ms. Flores our Physics teacher; thank you all for believing in our skills. We learned to love the different subjects because of your broad knowldege and patience in teaching. To my friends, though I can not name you all, I still want to thank you for the love that you gave, for the moments that we have been together and for the loyalty that we shared for the past ten years. And to our adviser, to the father of the Fourth Year Class Mr. Eraldo, thank you for all the patience that you gave to us even if there are time that we disappointed you because of our misdeed. We will never forget your line, “You may go except the cleaners.”

Learning will never be the same again because of you.

Of course, let us show our love to our parents who gave us the legacy of education. Let us give them a warm applause (clap). Now I want to express something that has been hidden in my heart for quite some time. To my mother, though I always frustrate you, I know that I love you, I will remain to be not just the child of your womb but also the child of your heart. To my father whose hands are rough from work, was gentle whenever I needed him in my projects. I hope that someday, I will learn the lessons of my parents: Patience and Love. I am not a perfect daughter, I am the cause of your disappointments, I can not count how many times you almost gave up on me. But I tried to be the daughter, the child that you can always be proud of. There is no Ivy J. Antonio in this world, if God did not give you to me. This night will never be able to surpass the many days and nights that you sacrificed because of me.

Mountford said that for knowledge to become wisdom and for the soul to grow, the sould must be rooted in God. True. And this night I want to offer all my awards and recognitions to Him, for He is the One who gave me the gift of intellect and my breath of life.

Graduates, after this, we will cross our different paths and we will enter another chapter of our lives-the college life. Then as we explore our abilities in this new world, we may feel that we are stuck in a rut for there is nothing else to conquer—well, everyday is a challenge in itself, and with renewed enthusiasm, all we need is to find strength to make ourselves shine in this new world. Life is full of tests and is a never-ending quest for opportunities and there are many rooms for improvement. And the college life is another world to improve, to see, to explore and to conquer.

I may not have mesmerized you like what the first Valedictorian did not made you cry like what the second Valedictorian did. But I hope that this speech will uplift you as we all continue living in this cycle we call life because I am not here to impress all of you, I am here because I want to express my innermost emotions in this momentous event.

Remember graduates, in life there are no rewinds. Savor this moment for we will never pass this way again. Congratulations Batch 2006, let’s clap our hands for a job well done!

There you have it. I have to admit that there are some parts in this speech wherein I just talked shit. I mean, I didn’t really mean saying it, just a formality sort of thing .It actually made me remember the bad things that happened during my last year in high school-controversies and issues that really shattered my relationship with some of my connections Given the chance, I would like to edit it and focus more on life’s realities. Maybe I was just too young then that is why this speech looked alright to me then. But now it’s not.

Like what I said, we live in a cycle called life and I will never be able to undo the things that are already done and this speech concretized the memories.

*with apologies to Renato Constantino