MOUNTAIN DUDE’S MOSTLY OVER THE TOP REASONS WHY PEOPLE LIVING IN DRY STATES SHOULD CONSERVE WATER:

10.  Couples that shower together stay together.

9.   You won’t have to spend as many hours beating drums during Indian rain dances.

8.   People living in wet states won’t welcome new arrivals with open arms if there are too    many refugees moving in from the dry states.

7.  Your cat is happier getting fewer baths.

6.  A glass of wine is more romantic than a glass of water.

5.  If you get yelled at for not flushing the toilet, you now have a legitimate excuse.

4.  Watering your lawn after 6:00 p.m. and before 9:00 a.m., will attract fewer bohemians who enjoy running naked through sprinklers during the hot, sunlight hours.

3.  Steamed vegetables are healthier than boiled. Raw vegetables are healthier than steamed.

2.  Giving your sexy girlfriend a candlelight sponge bath in her apartment so she can conserve bath water is a pleasure.

1. Your dog prefers drinking from a water bottle instead of his bowl of water which evaporates.

You can see more photos by Mountain Dude at :  www.dporterdvd.com

                Seriously, I wonder what the fuck is wrong with people these days. My latest rant is based on this story;

http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=86642&catid=158

                I understand we’re all busy (or lazy) so I will sum up the story. Some asshole set a two year old pit bull on fire. She burned while bystanders did nothing. Fortunately, a cop happened by and put out the flames. The dog had burns over 95% of her body. Everywhere; eyes, pads, vulva, God it’s just horrible. She managed to stay alive for a few days in treatment, until she had to be humanely put down. Her kidneys were not handling the healing process and were shutting down.

                I swear, some of the quotes and imagery in the report will haunt me for days.

                I just cannot imagine anyone doing this to another life. I know I am becoming the resident ‘dog guy’ here, but this story is so far beyond that. I know there are far, far many more urgent and pressing issues in the world to worry about this. But these stories fucking bother me to no end. There is so much wrong with this story, I don’t know where to begin.

                I guess the most obvious thing is why? Why did someone set this poor dog on fucking fire? I have my suspicions what is going on here I will get to later on, but why set a dog on fire to kill it? Why does she have to die anyway? There are so many more options. Why couldn’t they have dropped her off at a shelter, SPCA or rescue? Just what is the fucking thought process of setting a dog on fire? Why?

                When I run for President (I assume I will have your vote, right?) my platforms will be simple. One will be everyone on death row gets the chair or the needle. You get one year to prove your innocence, then you get smoked. I am sure there are countless assholes who get the death sentence, and just die of old age. Why should my tax money support them? Another platform will be if you kill someone, their family gets to kill you in the same manner. Kill a shopkeeper during a robbery with a bullet to the head? The family gets to do the same to you. Set someone on fire, guess what? You’re getting doused just the same, douchebag.

                I just cannot imagine the pain the dog-since named both Phoenix and Miss Mercy- felt. Just what did she do to merit being set on fire? I am sure in she loved her owners, even if it was in a sick and perverted way. Her owner provided for her, gave her food and shelter. She probably just sat there as she was doused, not having a clue, then…..

                Unimaginable.

                And then to have a crowd of people standing there, doing nothing, as she burned. I just can’t imagine doing nothing. Hey, I’m not a cat guy at all, but if I saw a cat on fire, I would do my best to put it out. Where was the common sense, the compassion? Cretins, all of them. If there is a hell, I hope they burn, and I hope Phoenix can see them burn.

                You know what the saddest thing is? Even after being burned alive by humans, Phoenix never was hostile to the doctors trying to save her. I admit to being a prick who holds grudges. If someone screwed me, I will do my best to make them pay. But, not Phoenix.  Shit, the pictures of her will break your heart.

                Here’s my guess as to what is going on. Phoenix, a pit bull, was a fighting dog. For whatever reason, she wasn’t deemed a good enough fighter, so she was set on fire. That’s how they decided to get rid of her.

                I know there is a lot of injustice in this world. I know there are far more pressing issues in this world to deal with. But I hope they find this guy. I hope he literally burns for this. I can deal with violence and stupidity, but why torture animals is just beyond me. I am sure this will lend itself to the theory that many killers start so with animals. Whatever. I just don’t know how a human thinks this is a justifiable action. Obviously, he has no concern for life. We’d all be better off with him not here.

                I hope they find him and throw the fucking book at him.

                Now if you’ll excuse me, I know someone who wants to go for a walk.

                 OK so I have something that’s been bothering me for a few weeks now. It’s spring now, and the weather has been pretty good where I live. Lots of sunshine, warm temps. And every time I’ve been walking the dog, I see more and more of this, and it’s starting to piss me off. So, please, if you haven’t done so yet-

                Cut your fucking grass.

                As I walk the dog, I see more and more houses that don’t have lawns anymore. It’s more like they have small forests.  And while you’re at it, it’s also time to take down the fucking campaign signs. Either your guy lost-get over it-or your guy won-if so stop lording it over everyone else. I have a yellow Lab, and some of these yards he sniffs around, the grass is up to his belly. Half the damn time I can’t tell if he’s pooping, peeing, or just walking through. I’m a very conscientious dog owner. I always carry 2 poop bags with me, ‘cause you never know when he’ll double dip. But if you’re not gonna have the decency to cut your grass, then what’s my incentive to pick up dogshit?

                Now, I’ve never been on safari or anything, but the sounds I hear coming from these yards are not unlike what I imagine the Serengeti to sound like. I fully expect to see disembodied glowing eyes peering back from the bushes. Or snakes dangling from the trees.

Look, I know cutting the grass is a pain in the ass. I have to pick up dog poop- but always manage to miss a pile or 2-, dog toys, move the hammock, get rid of last weeks’ empties…yea, it sucks. But it’s gotta be done. I don’t live in a ritzy neighborhood by any stretch, but as I walk up and down the streets and see more and more yards unkempt, it really pisses me off. It would really fire me up if my neighbor cut his damn lawn once every full moon. Let’s ignore the health issues; tall, uncut grass is a haven for ticks, a breeding ground for mosquitoes and I am sure the media will inflate fears of swine flu somehow emanating from dandelions and crabgrass. It makes your house look like shit. It makes your neighbors look like shit. Hey, look I appreciate there isn’t a rotting Ford Fairlane carcass in your front lawn, but still, cut it once a week.

Really, some of these lawns are getting to the point where the grass is so tall, it can’t be cut; it needs a controlled burn. So please, start cutting your damn lawn. Maybe your neighbors won’t tell you, but I will.

Chicago, IL USA:   Website, http://www.complainary.com/ allows People (of all ages) to do what they do best:COMPLAIN.

After all, Man developed Vocal Chords, Sound(s), Speech and Language in order to ‘Give Voice’ and ‘raise his Voice’ in matters that concert and disconcert his moral, immoral and amoral upbringing (or lack of it). This is Part of the Fun, Excitement and Educational Learning (as well as Networking Opportunities) that the Internet has given us. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is rocked by the same Complaint. A tasty Example is:

A baker complains if his/her cake falls, whereby a dieter (who lives cake-free) could care less.

CONTINUING: But since most of us are programmed to CARE (about something even hardened Criminals may have 1 or 2 Cares hidden deep down), if that CARE is harmed, scarred or averted, then a Major Complaint can fester, grow and ultimately explode from that pressurizing Issue.

The Challenge of Complaining is universal; however, for those with little on their Plate (Amazon Rain Forest Pygmies with few clothes, video games or text messaging devices immediately come to my mind), then they really have no real Anxieties as a Rate of Comparison. They may not even use Plates (as we know a plate to be). As a People, they may be more docile, loving and peaceful. I’m guessing all this since I’ve never done any significant research on any Amazon Pygmy Groups, but would highly guess that as soon as civilized Man (and those from the National Geographic Team) stepped into their neck-of-the-woods, they were not as willing to share nor were they happy with the Advent of Change and/or Assimilation. Who would be?

Granted C&A: Change & Assimilation are top Priorities in Washington Government for 2009, for the average Westernized Person in an industrialized state of mind and world, who is not an ardent Revolutionary, the easiest Way to vent their Rage and Outrage (or less pressing matters, states of conditions) and mal-contentedness is to COMPLAIN. As a logical being, Man complaints when he/she does not get their way. Therefore, selfishness does play a primary role in this entire interesting and debatable dynamic.

As of yet, Richard Complainer (as our exalted Chieftain prefers to be called) doesn’t have a sound-activated Website where voice blurbs can be down and/or uploaded. All he asks is that you sit down and write your Complaints up. Then, submit them online where they will last until the next Ice Age cometh. All Complaints are welcome. What’s a complaint to one may be a compliment to another.

And on this cold and icy day in Chicago, IL in early January, 2009, as We patiently await the weekend to start and Happy Hour to kick-in, my major Complaint as the Founder of: FAUX FUR FRIDAYS ® is that not enough People are wearing FAUX FUR. Not only is Faux Fur cheaper and kinder, many Websites are calling the Manufacturers of FAUX FUR an anti-green process whereby deadly Chemicals that are used in its preparation are harmful to our Environment, a battle that has been waging for decades now.

Slinging snowballs as this does not take into consideration the enormous amounts of Wildlife that is saved from Extinction and an early Death by merely wearing man-made fabrics that create extra jobs for a dismal and bleak employment future for many workers. Yet another FAUX FUR Complaint warrants the feature (not future in this case) of the snowcaps, glaciers and icebergs that are rapidly melting and disappearing from sight; thus destroying the Homes of these large creatures — many that are hunted, trapped and slaughtered for their Pelts.

Complaining about too many cars, exhaust systems causing black holes in the atmosphere and ozone layers and unseasonably strange climactic conditions (as an unusally strong number of more hurricanes and tornados criss-crossing the USA) are sure-fire ways to complain about how Mankind himself may be on the Endangered Species List. Besides Animals who’ve been hunted since Neanderthal Times and whose Histories go back millions of years, even out-living the mighty Dinosaur.

Oh, the Complaints we can launch about the Weather, Climate, Global Warming and ‘Furs vs. Foes’ that we wear or don’t wear could fill up Volumes. And it does. For our sake , it’s reassuring to know that Cyberspace, like the Art & Act of Complaining…is limitless, without bounds and is something we all have: An Opinion that is jaded, but still our very own to love and cultivate…

As Letters to the Editor served a Purpose in 20th century journalism and newspapers,  found the perfect FAUX-rum ® to let the People have their say: One Complaint at a time. Feel better: Complain. And, wear Faux Fur.

Quote of: ASK: Adrienne Sioux Koopersmith

Founder: FAUX FUR FRIDAYS ®

Faux(dot)Fur(dot)Fridays(at)gmail(dot)com

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 9:41 AM CST