I’m glad to see that Minnesota weather is finally back to its usual shenanigans. The thunder and lightening this morning was thrilling and the hail was positively titillating - nothing quite so much fun as driving blind, wondering if your windshield is going to crack (for the second time in the month), and the short-lived somewhat splatty interlude of snow that followed was very refreshing in July. My only regret is that a tornado didn’t sneak out of the massive black storm cell above me and touch down in the corn field to my right…I have yet to see a corn field go up in a tornado.

Coming up with 500 words to say about this is really a bit of a challenge. It’s one of the few things in life that speaks for itself.

Other than the picture that’s being created in this video, if you listen closely to the artist, just about every thing this guy says can be interpreted on a number of levels. Massive metaphor action going on. Really really COOL stuff (in my opinion)

By the way, having a 500 word prerequisite for posting videos is silly as far as I can think - which isn’t usually farther than my point of view, which, at times, can be exhaustingly narrow, limited, misguided, and whatever else (I’m trying to fill the 500 word minimum so I can just post this friggin amazing video already). Fuck 131.

The best things in life have NO words attached to them – that’s why I personally, genuinely and passionately from the very depths of my (rather shallow at times although occasionally a little bit less than shallow at others) heart - Goddamnit – 172. ARRRRGGGHHHH!! – really would like to get that 500 word requirement reduced.

I guess I could try to be all smart and perceptive and actually make an intelligent (or at least attempt to make one) observation of this really incredibly delightfully unusually completely and utterly surprisingly cool video, but I was looking at this video on another site (not youtube) and every single person that commented said less than three words…and in fact, not many of them were actually words per se, but rather, exclamations. ( please Jesus, let me be at 500 words….pretty please because I’m getting really fucking tired of saying nothing about something that is (in my opinion) beyond words….hold on – let me check…..(drumroll)… 291. Shit.

All right fine…I’m no quitter. Fuckit. So this video starts out slow, and you might be tempted to simply shut it down, but if you get past the part that begins to look like a cheesy ad, you very well might be pleasantly surprised with the knowledge of what some people do for fun. I love this guy. Makes me want to take a trip down under (and I’m not talking under the covers or anything else here, although….) Anyways. Hold on one more tiny little second…Damn hell – only 380.

That minimum really should be shortened to 250. Some of us are visual people as well…Can you imagine if they put an essay beside each work of art in museums…? I mean – it kind of ruins the point. But anyways…..423 – wait a minute – that was four hundred twenty three words according to Words wonderful wordcount tool. Love that tool. Yes I do…Alright god Damnitt…where are we at?

So here’s the deal – if you survived reading the shit I just posted in an effort to meet my quota – which I hope to hell you have because this video IS COOL – then good for you…and sorry about all the bullshit…. 491. Close enough (almost)….Thank GOD – one more word. Enjoy!

(Damn - after all that I hope this video shows up in the post)

Sand Dancer

MOUNTAIN DUDE’S MOSTLY OVER THE TOP REASONS WHY PEOPLE LIVING IN DRY STATES SHOULD CONSERVE WATER:

10.  Couples that shower together stay together.

9.   You won’t have to spend as many hours beating drums during Indian rain dances.

8.   People living in wet states won’t welcome new arrivals with open arms if there are too    many refugees moving in from the dry states.

7.  Your cat is happier getting fewer baths.

6.  A glass of wine is more romantic than a glass of water.

5.  If you get yelled at for not flushing the toilet, you now have a legitimate excuse.

4.  Watering your lawn after 6:00 p.m. and before 9:00 a.m., will attract fewer bohemians who enjoy running naked through sprinklers during the hot, sunlight hours.

3.  Steamed vegetables are healthier than boiled. Raw vegetables are healthier than steamed.

2.  Giving your sexy girlfriend a candlelight sponge bath in her apartment so she can conserve bath water is a pleasure.

1. Your dog prefers drinking from a water bottle instead of his bowl of water which evaporates.

You can see more photos by Mountain Dude at :  www.dporterdvd.com

I know what you’re all thinking (half of you). “The best exercise in the world is watching TV…”

The other half is thinking something along the lines of “Hmmm, what designer wear should I put on to go down to the gym?”

Let’s face it, none of you give a crap about exercise. You just do it to show off your fancy clothes. Minnesotans, I’m writing to you now because first of all, I got attacked by a designer-gear wearing freak at Willow River State Park last winter, for walking on the wrong part of the path. All I was doing (besides exercising) was trying to stay as far off the path as I could, (to let the cross-country-skiers pass), and this designer-clad stress-basket went off on me for being in his way. How was I supposed to know that those park pathways are friggin’ freeways in the wintertime, with their own set of driving, sledding, walking, skiing, and snowshoeing rules? (On a side note; I can’t believe people actually snowshoe for fun. There’s something wrong with that. I mean, don’t you have to walk with your feet spread about two feet apart in those things? Is that enjoyable? I can see snowshoeing if you were starving and you had to go hunting back in the olden days in four feet of snow in the middle of winter to feed your family, but for a pleasant walk through a state park, where the snow has already been well-packed by all the psycho skierboys in tights? What is up with that? Anyways…not the best exercise.)

There are a large portion of people all over the world who believe that shopping is the best exercise in the world. I disagree. Shopping is too d*mn stressful to be good for you, and I believe that fundamentally, exercise should be good for you. I used to consider shopping meditation, but here (where people plan everything from their meat buying to their campsite reservation a whole YEAR in advance, shopping could very well give you a heart attack, and it is not fun at all. I know a girl who buys meat twice a year (by the truckload) because she gets a better deal. Whatever. What she saves in meat per pound I’m sure she more than makes up for in her electric bill. Not to mention paying off that massive freezer that she put on her credit card. And who the hell plans a camping trip a YEAR in advance? Are you people crazy? I am a camperaholic and I don’t even do that. How can you bloody well know you’re going to feel like camping on this particular weekend exactly one year from today???

Minnesotans, you’ve ruined shopping for me. Even if it was the best exercise in the world, I can’t keep up with you.

Which leads me to the original question: what exactly is the best exercise in the world? Before I answer that, I’ll name my criteria for any exercise to even be considered to be do-able (let alone the best).

1. It has to be fun. If it’s not fun, I’ll never do it.

2. It has to be challenging. You have to be able to improve your skills over time. This eliminates walking. Walking is walking. No one can get better at walking, unless they’ve lost their ability to walk and have to start from scratch. But that’s a whole nuther deal.

3. It HAS to de-stress you and leave you feeling happier than when you started. This is the whole point of exercise, as far as I’m concerned. To feel better, happier and healthier. This eliminates pretty much everything that is considered exercise (with the exception of walking, which I’ve already eliminated).

4. Running should be against the law. This has nothing to do with anything, but I just felt that it needed to be stated.

5. It should require no special talents or skills. Anyone should be able to do it.

6. It should not require designer gear (or any gear whatsoever). This eliminates swimming and anything that requires purchasing gear (as in skiing, biking, snowboarding, tennis, badminton, baseball, football, etc etc etc.)

So what is it? Ok. No one laugh. This is not only the BEST exercise in the world, but it’s the MOST FUN thing to do. It will make you feel GREAT when you’re doing it and even better when you’re done. It’s great cardiovascular, great for every muscle group, impossible to do without laughing, and allows you to improve and develop your skills over time.

Without further ado, I’d like everyone to put on a pair of sweats or jeans (you don’t even have to change out of your work clothes if you don’t want to) and run, (or drive) down to your local park, playground, or back yard, and swing!

Don’t forget that you can pump with both your legs and your arms, (interchangeably) for a full body work-out, and DON’T forget to try to jump off in mid-air, starting out slow and safe, and work up to the highest point that you can reach. And when you’re done swinging as hard and high as you can, for as long as you can, then flop down in the grass on your back and stare at the sky until your heart stops pounding.

That’s it folks: the BEST exercise in the whole world is swinging! And don’t let the fact that you’re an old fart get in the way; no one cares, and if they do, to hell with them!

I live in a great country. Sometimes it’s hard to remember just how good I, as an American, have it. Sometimes it’s easier to revel in the constant bombardment of bad news and crises du jour. But for (at least) one hour every week I am reminded of the great people that do extreme good.

If you haven’t watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition you are missing, in my opinion, a gigantic warm-fuzzy. For those of you that haven’t watched, and judging by their consistently high ratings you are a minority, the basic premise is simple: Find a deserving family and rebuild their crumbling, inadequate, and sometimes dangerous home with the help of community volunteers and business sponsors.

The stories are as varied as America itself; from children suffering from life-altering illnesses to families devastated by natural disasters. What makes each story so touching are the acts of selflessness, sacrifice and courage. Heroes, in their own right. Individuals and families that have seen past their own circumstances. A testament to the human spirit and the boundless dimensions of inspiration. A few of the stories have actually caused my eyes to leak.

What I find just as moving are the throngs of volunteers that show up every week to help their neighbors. I also applaud the corporations, and small businesses that donate goods and services to make the projects a success. With all the disparaging news, about unethical practices and what others deem exhorbitant greed, it’s refreshing to see and be reminded that our country would not be as great as it is without the kindness and charity of those that have the means, whether it be time or resources, to help their fellow man.

So call me what you will; be it sappy, idealistic or unrealistic. I will gladly tune in to the show that openly gloats on the citizenship of individuals and communities. I will listen to the stories of struggles and heroism, in whatever form they take. I will revel in the fact that people, as a whole, are good and when faced with a situation can accomplish extreme good.

I think the top 10 American Idols for this year is the most talented group ever. In past years at this stage, there was always one or two performers I could barely stand to listen to while waiting for my favorites’ turn.

When Alexis Grace was sent home, I was surprised and disappointed.  I thought she was certainly better than Michael Sarver and I would prefer to see her perform live.  Nevertheless, I still might buy tickets to see the 10 idols on tour this year.

So far, my favorites are Danny Gokey and Allison Iraheta. Who are you rooting for?

Chicago, IL USA:   Website, http://www.complainary.com/ allows People (of all ages) to do what they do best:COMPLAIN.

After all, Man developed Vocal Chords, Sound(s), Speech and Language in order to ‘Give Voice’ and ‘raise his Voice’ in matters that concert and disconcert his moral, immoral and amoral upbringing (or lack of it). This is Part of the Fun, Excitement and Educational Learning (as well as Networking Opportunities) that the Internet has given us. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is rocked by the same Complaint. A tasty Example is:

A baker complains if his/her cake falls, whereby a dieter (who lives cake-free) could care less.

CONTINUING: But since most of us are programmed to CARE (about something even hardened Criminals may have 1 or 2 Cares hidden deep down), if that CARE is harmed, scarred or averted, then a Major Complaint can fester, grow and ultimately explode from that pressurizing Issue.

The Challenge of Complaining is universal; however, for those with little on their Plate (Amazon Rain Forest Pygmies with few clothes, video games or text messaging devices immediately come to my mind), then they really have no real Anxieties as a Rate of Comparison. They may not even use Plates (as we know a plate to be). As a People, they may be more docile, loving and peaceful. I’m guessing all this since I’ve never done any significant research on any Amazon Pygmy Groups, but would highly guess that as soon as civilized Man (and those from the National Geographic Team) stepped into their neck-of-the-woods, they were not as willing to share nor were they happy with the Advent of Change and/or Assimilation. Who would be?

Granted C&A: Change & Assimilation are top Priorities in Washington Government for 2009, for the average Westernized Person in an industrialized state of mind and world, who is not an ardent Revolutionary, the easiest Way to vent their Rage and Outrage (or less pressing matters, states of conditions) and mal-contentedness is to COMPLAIN. As a logical being, Man complaints when he/she does not get their way. Therefore, selfishness does play a primary role in this entire interesting and debatable dynamic.

As of yet, Richard Complainer (as our exalted Chieftain prefers to be called) doesn’t have a sound-activated Website where voice blurbs can be down and/or uploaded. All he asks is that you sit down and write your Complaints up. Then, submit them online where they will last until the next Ice Age cometh. All Complaints are welcome. What’s a complaint to one may be a compliment to another.

And on this cold and icy day in Chicago, IL in early January, 2009, as We patiently await the weekend to start and Happy Hour to kick-in, my major Complaint as the Founder of: FAUX FUR FRIDAYS ® is that not enough People are wearing FAUX FUR. Not only is Faux Fur cheaper and kinder, many Websites are calling the Manufacturers of FAUX FUR an anti-green process whereby deadly Chemicals that are used in its preparation are harmful to our Environment, a battle that has been waging for decades now.

Slinging snowballs as this does not take into consideration the enormous amounts of Wildlife that is saved from Extinction and an early Death by merely wearing man-made fabrics that create extra jobs for a dismal and bleak employment future for many workers. Yet another FAUX FUR Complaint warrants the feature (not future in this case) of the snowcaps, glaciers and icebergs that are rapidly melting and disappearing from sight; thus destroying the Homes of these large creatures — many that are hunted, trapped and slaughtered for their Pelts.

Complaining about too many cars, exhaust systems causing black holes in the atmosphere and ozone layers and unseasonably strange climactic conditions (as an unusally strong number of more hurricanes and tornados criss-crossing the USA) are sure-fire ways to complain about how Mankind himself may be on the Endangered Species List. Besides Animals who’ve been hunted since Neanderthal Times and whose Histories go back millions of years, even out-living the mighty Dinosaur.

Oh, the Complaints we can launch about the Weather, Climate, Global Warming and ‘Furs vs. Foes’ that we wear or don’t wear could fill up Volumes. And it does. For our sake , it’s reassuring to know that Cyberspace, like the Art & Act of Complaining…is limitless, without bounds and is something we all have: An Opinion that is jaded, but still our very own to love and cultivate…

As Letters to the Editor served a Purpose in 20th century journalism and newspapers,  found the perfect FAUX-rum ® to let the People have their say: One Complaint at a time. Feel better: Complain. And, wear Faux Fur.

Quote of: ASK: Adrienne Sioux Koopersmith

Founder: FAUX FUR FRIDAYS ®

Faux(dot)Fur(dot)Fridays(at)gmail(dot)com

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 9:41 AM CST